If you ask me how I see the life, I might have no answer for that. But if you ask me how I see human being, I might have various answers.

Someone once asked me, what do I want to be? Do I want to be a big fish in the pond, or a small fish in the ocean?

His question however shaped me for who I am now. It helped me emphasizing my goal and focus on it in a way I don’t really understand. (Thanks anyway, you’re amazing).

But then this question rooted somewhere else; since then, I can’t stop seeing fishes everywhere.

If I ever write a memoir, I’d put ‘self-alienation’ as one of my favorite agendas. In that time, I’d take myself away from the reality, wading across time and spaces where the clock stops, while perfectly sit and still. I could observe humans very well in that time. Humans remind me of fishes. They swim, here and there. They eat whatever comes to their faces, not the other fishes, but anything inferior, that is any less strong predator, which is lower than them on the hierarchy or food chain.

They swim without any clear direction; some of them love to repeat the pattern, some of them just submissively follow the waves. As vaguely as it could be, they’ll keep repeating it.

Because there’s no fixated destination maybe is why they can’t stop swimming. It also could be that they think at some point they’ll arrive somewhere in anyhow. But where? Nobody knows. Nobody really cares because they have their own beliefs.

Will you end up in a frying pan? Or in a bowl? Or in the hand of a sushi master? Or that you lucky enough to choose your destiny, you’re just aging and die? Is it matter anyway?

What are these fishes doing?

What are they think they’re doing?

Isn’t it odd that these fishes are keep swimming without knowing what is going on?


(At least Dawkins is right, our ancestors are fishes)



You absurd little thing…

“I didn’t much like saying goodbye yesterday, you absurd little globe-trotter; you’d still be with me right now, full of good little smiles, if you didn’t have that strange mania for gobbling up kilometers. Where the devil are you, anyway? This morning I was mourning for you because it was gray out and I imagined you at the summit of your little mountain looking up, with a stubborn expression, at a sea of gray clouds, like a fisherman gazing at his cork bobbing on the water… I love you very much, absurd little thing”

-Sartre love letter to Beauvoir

What Made Sartre and Beauvoir Are the Best Couple in the World

“Didn’t we all want an intellectual partner with whom we could share our work, ideas, and slightest thoughts? Didn’t everyone want to write in Paris cafés amid the clatter of coffee cups and the hubbub of voices, and spend their summers in Rome in complicated but apparently harmonious foursomes? Who wanted monogamy when one could have freedom and stability, love affairs and commitment?”


Quoting Bernhard Schlink “The Reader”

“I’m not frightened. I’m not frightened of anything. The more I suffer, the more I love.
Danger will only increase my love.

It will sharpen it, it will give it spice.

I will be the only angel that you need. You will leave life even more beautiful than you entered it.

Heaven will take you back and look at you and say: Only one thing can make a soul complete and that thing is love.”

Solved: Hosted Network Troubleshoot on Windows 8

Since two days ago, I had encountered a problem with my hosted network caused by my virtual adapter. I can’t connect any of my device because my virtual adapter decided to disabled itself. But before I know that this was the main cause, I looked down every possibilities by googling and going through all  the network settings in my laptop. None of those articles help my problem. This is what I have to deal with on the command prompt:

capture-20130722-132847 - Copy

The hosted network has been allowed but when I tried to start it, it is said that the network couldn’t be started. I went to Network and Sharing Center a couple of times and tried everything on the Change Adapter Setting, then suddenly an idea occurred. I went back to the command prompt and check the wireless driver, to see if the wireless supports hosted network. Here I show you how:

capture-20130722-134822 - Copy

Then I went to Device Manager (move your cursor to the right top of the screen, type Computer Management and click it) and went to the Network Adapters. Here’s what I did:

capture-20130722-133548 - Copy

Then click Properties and go to Advanced. You’ll find list of the properties and it’s value. I found that the AdHoc 11n was not being enabled. It was disabled. So I changed the value.

capture-20130722-134420 - Copy

After clicking ok, you’ll be redirected to the Device Manager. But now in the Network Adapter section, you will see Microsoft Virtual Adapter. Right-click it, then click Enable (It will be disappear weirdly but I think that’s okay). If you’ve already done that, go back to the command prompt and try again. It worked on me!


Check on Adapter Setting on the Network and Sharing Center the the hosted network has already back. Mine’s back!


Thank you for reading. Hope this helps.

Alasan Mengapa ‘Free-Spirited’ Self-Proclaim Identik Dengan Slutty


Seiring dengan perkembangan jaman, socmed makin jadi bagian dari keseharian. Apapun yang terjadi di kehidupan sehari-hari bakal di-update di dunia maya, dan sebaliknya apapun yang terjadi di dunia maya seringkali jadi topik obrolan di kehidupan sehari-hari, even cuma buat icebreaking.

Fame, di dalam socmed semacam twitter, bagi sebagian orang tuh ternyata penting banget. Jelas, dengan kekuatan persuasi dan self-branding, asal lo mampu, lo bisa jadi apapun yang lo mau: penulis, pengusaha, politisi dadakan, spiritualis, pengamat sosial, bahkan selebriti. Semua bisa dengan satu hal: lo disukai dan so-called ‘diakui’ sama banyak orang atau followers. Manfaatnya? The power of massive communication, bien sur. Penciptaan ‘pasar’ tanpa harus bayar sewa lapak. Lo bisa membantu orang menjual barangnya di twitter.

Entah tujuannya buat profit atau emang di dunia nyata sosoknya semacam underdog yang ‘bukan siapa-siapa’, banyak orang-orang yang self-branding dirinya dalam klasifikasi tertentu, bahkan membuat citraan dirinya yang samasekali berbeda dari kesehariannya. Salah satu tipe yang unik baru-baru ini adalah tipe cewek dengan konten twit dewasa. Gue pribadi senang menjuluki mereka dengan self-proclaim ‘free-spirited’. Dalam konteks seksual, gue respek dengan cewek yang gak munafik. Gue sendiri udah menghapus boundaries gender gue dengan sempat menulis erotika, dimana cerita dewasa tersebut gue tulis dari sudut pandang perempuan. Tetapi sebagai perempuan gue pribadi gak suka dengan akun-akun itu. Kenapa? Lame. Mereka terlalu shallow. It seems to me that they’re nothing but a slutty pathetic attention-whore. Bagi gue, mereka merusak citra perempuan yang emang beneran free-spirited, dengan citraan yang mereka buat di twitter.

Berikut alasan gue:

1. Mereka terlalu sering mengobjekkan dirinya sendiri

Biasanya, mereka correlate sex dengan apapun. Seks dijadiin perumpamaan untuk hal apapun, termasuk untuk menyindir opposite gender. Pengobjekkan diri sendiri bisa dilihat dari pemilihan kata. Mereka gak risih ngomongin alat seksualnya sediri, tentunya dengan referring kedirinya sendiri. Contoh: toket, nenen, meki. Untuk kata kerja, terlalu sering  ditemukan penggunaan imbuhan pasif seperti di-. Contoh: dinenenin, dimasukkin, digrepe. Terus kegiatan seksual yang sering mereka jadiin perumpamaan itu cenderung men’s pleasure oriented. Contoh: Ngulumin. Dan tentu aja, penggunaan kata ‘kamu’ lebih banyak dari kata ‘aku’. Atau biasanya kata ‘kamu’ mendahului kata ‘aku’. Twitter kan semacam stream of thoughts. Meskipun dia mengaku sedang tidak jadi dirinya sendiri (alter-ego), tapi pemilihan kata itu biasanya subconciously.

2. Men’s pleasure oriented

Seperti yang tadi udah gue bilang, kecenderungan konten seksual yang sering terlihat dari postingan mereka rata-rata berhubungan sama kegiatan yang tujuannya buat stimulasi kenikmatan laki-laki. Entah memang targeted audience mereka laki-laki, atau mereka gak ngerti apa yang bisa membuat diri mereka sendiri merasa nikmat, atau mereka memang awam seks yang sebenernya gak ngerti apa-apa. I’m afraid these girls know nothing about orgasm and the real meaning of sex. Apa ada hubungannya? Jelas ada. Dari kecenderungannya membahas kegiatan menstimulasi laki-laki, perempuan-perempuan ini terlihat ‘know nothing about their pleasure’; they only know how to please their partners. Sedangkan well-experienced women in sex, terutama yang sudah akrab dengan orgasme, pasti akan subconciously memposisikan dirinya sebagai subjek dan pasangannya sebagai objek. Proporsi membahas kegiatan yang bikin mereka stimulated dan menstimulate pasangan pastinya gak bakalan timpang. Yang jelas mereka gak akan banyak menyebutkan area-area erotiknya sendiri, dan mereka gak go around and give “eh gue udah pernah ngelakuin ini loh, dan gue bangga”  kind of attitude. Perempuan jenis ini sudah secara penuh sadar what pleases her dan menganggap seks itu sejatinya buat diri lo sendiri, bukan kebahagiaan yang bisa dibagi ke semua orang.

3. They use ‘sex’ to go against opposite gender

Mereka memposisikan dirinya sebagai ‘korban secara seksual’ yang merugi, untuk menyerang laki-laki yang pernah ada di kehidupan mereka once the relationship’s over. Mereka mempersalahkan laki-laki atas nafsunya dan menganggap laki-laki cuma ‘memanfaatkan kesempatan’. Bitch please. Ketika interaksi seksual terjadi, udah jelas dari dua pihak pasti pada saat itu horny. Kalo memang lo merasa jadi korban, kenapa waktu itu tetep ngelakuin? C’mon, you know you enjoyed it. You loved it. And now you said that they just ‘used’ you? Seriously, women, you should really stop to see themselves as the victim sexually once the relationship has ended. Entahlah atau memang mereka terlalu munafik mengakui birahi sendiri. By the way, in relationship, you are the victim if you’re not allowed to get an orgasm during the sexual activity. So if you’ve been fully satisfied in your past relationship, please, save your stupid bullshit for another cause.

4. Using sex as the weapon of attraction

Here I tell ya: you’re less attractive when you’re trying so hard to be liked by being obscene. Orang-orang mungkin keliatannya suka sama lo, tapi sebenernya mereka cuma nganggep lo nothing but bispak (ups). I mean, you don’t have to go around and intently trying to arouse people with your words. What’s the point? Nothing.

5. Showing “I’m sexually active, emotionally absence. Because I have fuckbuddy” kind of attitude

Oh dear, such a lame self-proclamation. It’s like you’re like stating that sex is only good when you do it with partner. Too lazy to touch your cl*t or simply never had a good orgasm when going solo? Pffft. Here’s a little secret: sex is fun even when you do it only with yourself.

Kesimpulannya, perempuan-perempuan yang ngelakuin 5 kesalahan di atas ini udah membuat citra cewek yang beneran emang free-spirited, jadi sesuatu yang buruk. Kesalahan-kesalahan ini yang bikin perempuan gak bisa bebas berekspresi, sexually, tanpa dicap ‘gampangan’. Saran gue: cepetan sadar ya.

Dari gue, untuk seluruh perempuan.